Stick a fork in me, I’m done.

Warning – this post could contain a dizzying amount of self-pity.  Read at your own risk.

 

I think I have finally hit my limit. 

I was determined that I wouldn’t give in to self-pity, but 37 and a half weeks of pretending I’m Superwoman came to a screeching halt last night with a blubbering breakdown on the couch.  I’ve tried really hard to stay positive and upbeat while maintaining that this isn’t really that bad and that there’s worse times ahead. 

Last night several things combined to make me absolutely miserable:

  • Sitting in one position for 6 hours at the Microsoft Partner Briefing in an uncomfortable chair with limited break periods.
  • Swollen fingers from drinking a Coke instead of water (I know, my fault!)
  • Heartburn from hell – possibly from the Coke, but more likely from lunch and that damned brownie.  4 Tums didn’t even touch it.
  • Unending baby movement.
  • Frequent Braxton Hicks contractions – my stomach was tight as a drum for most of the night.

Ben tried to reassure me that it wouldn’t last forever, but I can’t imagine this type of misery stretching out for longer than the two weeks that I’m due.  A friend of mine who is due 2 days before me (how cool is that!?) asked her doctor for an excuse to work from home until she delivers.  While I’m not to that point yet I may consider it or a variant of that in the weeks ahead.

Also, I think I’m trying to take on too much to do without relying on Ben.  We both may have to suck it up here with me asking for help on stuff I can no longer do or need help in picking up the slack, and him doing the stuff I need help with.  I’ve been trying to stay on top of the dishes, dinner, shopping, laundry, paying bills, and picking up clutter in our house, but may have to give up some of those duties to him or I’m going to be completely wiped out.

On the other hand,  I feel horrible I’ve let my house get to such a mess with the clutter everywhere and I feel I need to get it all tidied up before this baby gets here or I’ll be a failure.  I wish I had tackled it all when I had more energy a few weeks ago instead of putting it off til now.  I’m at that catch-22 point where it’s bad enough that I need help to get it taken care of, but don’t want to have my family see how bad I’ve let things slip.  Pride, yanno.

So, where do I start?

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Apr 09, 2009 @ 11:52:25

    Pity yourself all you want. Not everything about being pregnant is wonderful. It’s not much like it’s presented in the movies, is it? There’s a lot of misery and angst they don’t bother showing you, and every once in a while, it’s fine to just spew the bile building up inside. So spew, you’re not going to lose any friends over it.

    Yeah, movies romanticize the hell out of being pregnant. Plus, they make it seem like it goes by in the blink of an eye. It’s hard to fathom that I’ve been pregnant since AUGUST. Yeah, August.

    Yeah, it won’t last forever, but it feels like it, don’t it? I mean, how long can 40 weeks be?? Never longer than when you’re pregnant.

    I know some people who can’t give up things for forty DAYS much less forty weeks. I’m really looking forward to my first glass of post pregnancy Reisling 🙂 But yeah, this has felt like forever… some parts of it went by really quickly (where did months 4, 5, and 6 go?) and it just seems like these last few weeks are draaaaaagging.

    Not that I ever have been. But I’ve seen enough of it to know, it’s okay to stop and say “Okay, enough — I feel miserable.”

    We’ll still love and respect you in the morning. We know this isn’t easy, and we’re okay with whatever you have to do.

    I figure we’re all allowed our moments of self-pity every once in a while. I even posted a disclaimer 😉 What I’d LIKE to do is sit on my ass for the rest of this pregnancy but what I fear will happen is that I’ll still try to take on too much *sigh*

    Reply

  2. she
    Apr 09, 2009 @ 12:28:57

    Please don’t make the mistake of feeling like a failure if the house is not clean. I did, and looking back I can see how idiotic that was. Trying to maintain a “perfect” idea of pregnancy and home life is not realistic. It is what it is. Love the experience for what it really is, take care of your body and don’t let anyone (even yourself) make you feel guilty for it. Have you thought of hiring somebody for a one-day deep cleaning? I know you guys are trying to save money, but it might be worth it for your peace of mind. Maybe instead of hiring someone you could ask a friend to donate an hour or two of cleaning. I know it’s hard to ask, but I wish I had.

    Believe it or not but I DID consider having a company come in and get everything to where we need it when the baby comes. I looked ’em up online this morning 🙂

    I’m also thinking of having our carpets cleaned and that just might be the kick in the butt that Ben and I need to get the little stuff around the house picked up – the fear of someone coming in and seeing it. I’d be afraid my family would judge, but who cares what a stranger thinks, right? Plus, if we could only KEEP it looking nice, that would be much easier than getting it all done.

    Reply

  3. sherri
    Apr 09, 2009 @ 12:29:40

    BTW, the above comment was from me. 🙂

    Reply

  4. Allison
    Apr 09, 2009 @ 12:38:46

    You have go to be close, Kristy. I really do think your body knows when it cannot take any more. Hopefully little Mallory is kicking hard enough to pop on out of there:)

    Dear Lord, I hope so. Last night during all the BH contractions I found myself wishing and hoping it was time. Alas, stupid fake labor. Guess I should get my bag packed, eh? 😉

    Wish I had something more useful or helpful to say or do. I think you have done/are doing really well and set the bar too high for most of us 😉 Pregnancy, impending motherhood, is REALLY hard. Period.

    Yeah, I’m pretty much done telling myself to just suck it up. I think I’m going to take it as easy as I can these last two weeks. I haven’t ‘played the pregnancy card’ (as the owner of our company calls it) during the entire pregnancy but may have to pull it out in the next few weeks.

    I would be jumping at any chance to work from you if I were you.

    Believe it or not, I’d rather be at work. Keeps my mind off things during the day and working on my desktop at the office is surprisingly more comfortable than working on my laptop from the couch.

    Plus, I don’t think I’d ever get dressed if I worked from home! Today I’m actually in dress pants (pre-pregnancy ones if you can believe it!), the shirt I wore to my baby shower, and a black short-sleeved suit jacket. Not too shabby. If I was at home I’d be clad in yoga pants, a t-shirt, and no bra 🙂

    Good luck and thanks for keeping us posted!

    LOL – posted? This was all about the self-pity, sister!

    Love you!

    Reply

  5. claire
    Apr 09, 2009 @ 13:10:15

    Ya know…after baby is born, ALL of your priorities will shift. And things you think are important now will be different. So, I wouldn’t sweat the small stuff.

    Argh, and therein lies the problem -I sweat the small stuff all the time and am a slave to perfectionism. Although, the small tumbleweed of puppy hair in the upstairs hallway has escaped my attention for a few days. I gotta get back to that.

    There’s always going to be clutter and piles, there will be new bills to pay and laundry to fold…but you need to spend your days being satisfied with the choices you make. So, no looking back, just live for today. Pretty soon your days will be measures in hours, minutes and diapers…so relax and cut yourself some slack, “yanno?” 🙂

    I feel like I keep putting stuff off and it only gets worse – much worse. Last night I could have held off on doing the dishes after dinner but then I would have come home to an even BIGGER mess tonight. That’s where I have a hard time relaxing and getting stuff done at the same time.

    And, my last month of pregnancy I worked from home 2 days per week, and I took off a full week before baby was due (a full unpaid week…just to rest and pamper myself a bit) and it was worth it. It relaxed my mind and my body.

    I may see if I can start working half days from home – I’d be a lot happier if I could come into the office in the morning, work here until 1, and then head home. I’m a pretty social person and need to interact with my co-workers. Luckily, the owner of our company is pretty awesome and would probably agree to any suggestions I floated his way.

    Reply

  6. DarcsFalcon
    Apr 10, 2009 @ 01:48:44

    Ditch the pride, woman. Ditch it I say!

    Pride is like bubblegum on the bottom of your shoe. Once it’s on there you really have to work at it to get it gone. I’m going to have a tough row to hoe here.

    Learn to love balls of puppeh hair in the corners, at least for a while.

    But this one is MONSTROUS! Maybe I should just shave them for the summer… hmmmmmm…

    Reply

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