Christmas Spirit – I has none.

I woke up this morning and thought it was Friday… AGAIN.  My timing for these holiday weeks is always off.  I realized today that it just doesn’t seem like Christmas is 1.5 days away.  I mean, shouldn’t I feel more?  Shouldn’t I be eagerly anticipating all the fun stuff that Christmas day brings (gifts, time with family, joyous celebrations, etc.) instead of feeling just so blah?

Sure, my presents are purchased and (mostly) wrapped – I’ll finish those up tonight while I watch Boise St. and BYU TCU duke it out in the Poinsettia Bowl – but I just can’t get it through my thick skull that Thursday is a holiday.  Maybe it’s because I have to work Friday, travel to Pennsylvania on Saturday, and then turn right back around and come back on Sunday?  I dunno.  I DO know that Christmas with my family is going to be especially rough this year as it’s the first we’ve had without my Grandma.

Ben and I haven’t decorated the house this year mostly because our Christmas stuff is buried behind lots and lots of cabinets and other miscellaneous items that made their way into our basement.  We even skimped on decorating the tree choosing the simplicity (ha! we’re just lazy!) of white lights and the awesome bow with long tendrils that Ben crafted for the top last year.  I don’t even have my Christmas Santas out 😦

I think we’re going to try a new tradition of going to see a movie on Christmas Eve – just the two of us.  Of course, this could be the shortest lived tradition on record as we’ll have a 7 month old daughter (OMG, I’m going to pass out just thinking about it!) at this time next year.  Maybe next year we’ll have to settle for watching a movie at home… hellllooooo James Bond on the big screen downstairs with a fire?

So yeah, I’m kinda down in the dumps with the holidays and don’t know why.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. claire
    Dec 23, 2008 @ 16:27:44

    I love the movie idea! I think you could find a family member who would watch baby girl for you! Or, if we’re in town, we would love to do that for you! 🙂 I am not totally in the christmas spirit this year. If it wasn’t for satellite radio on the tv and pandora radio on the computer, i wouldn’t be in the spirit at all.

    I can understand how you’re not in the spirit this year – you just moved! You’ve got to figure out how to decorate a new house (on your own, no less) and get everything holiday-related done before J gets home from OK all while doing your regular stuff. He gets to come home un time for the easy stuff.

    The first holiday is hard after the loss of a loved one. But, I’m sure grandma would want you to go on and celebrate! We’ve modified our traditions a bit as a family, but still celebrate the good times that we have to share.

    There’s just so much drama going on with our family right now that it’s not something I want to be a part of, but it will look even worse if I don’t make the trip. Our dog sitter cancelled on us at the last minute so now I’ll be making the 5 hour trip with just me and my sister in the car – no Ben 😦 I can pretend to be happy for a day, I s’pose.

    Can’t wait to get together. Maybe you and I can celebrate with a chirstmas cup of tea — in JANUARY. 🙂 Stretch it out a bit!

    Yeah, yeah, yeah! I’m all about the cups of hot tea 🙂 There’s an awesome tea house that has seasonal stuff in the short north that we’ll have to hit. It’s pretty child friendly so Em can come, too. Oddly enough, you-know-who-devil-woman introduced me to it. It’ll be a date – just let me know when!

    Hugs to you! Enjoy the time with family!

    Claire

    Reply

  2. DarcKnyt
    Dec 23, 2008 @ 17:33:17

    Don’t feel bad, hon. There’s a lot of this going around this year. I’m sure it does every year, but I hear more about it this year than previous years. The blogosphere, maybe.

    I’m typically more on the ‘Bah Humbug’ side when it comes to the holidays, but this is a new low – even for me.

    Try and have a Merry Christmas. Yes, working takes the fun out of everything, but try and enjoy it.

    I’m workin’ on it, believe me. Hopefully this malaise lifts itself by tomorrow night. Thanks for the encouragement *hugs*

    Reply

  3. DarcsFalcon
    Dec 23, 2008 @ 18:35:31

    I’m sorry about your Grandma.

    We had a great Christmas with her last year – she hosted it at her facility and all of the family came from all over the country and put on a good face to celebrate it with her knowing that she wouldn’t be here this year. We just lost her around Labor Day… 3 months isn’t all that long ago. Not sure what this year’s family celebration will be like.

    There does seem to be a malaise about Christmas this year, you’re not alone. Our feelings aren’t dictated by the calendar, so please don’t feel guilty about not being “in the Christmas spirit.” Joy is an internal thing, not a “day” thing. You’ll find it again, maybe on Feb. 17th, who knows? Thing is, don’t worry, and don’t beat yourself up. Enjoy your movie, drive carefully, and enjoy the people you love, even if you can’t enjoy the holiday, know what I mean?

    Ben and I try to celebrate what some people perceive as ‘The Christmas Spirit’ all year long – helping people when they need it, being appreciative for what we have, and trying to live simply and with gratitude. A lot of people just do that for 3 weeks out of the year. Maybe I feel like I should have MORE of this – in one big condensed helping – instead of spreading it out through the year.

    And here’s a “scary” thought for you – enjoy your last Christmas as a couple without kids. Next year, things will seem so different, and I’m willing to bet you’ll have a hard time figuring out how you ever had Christmas without her. 🙂

    Oh geez… that just ratcheted up my anxiety level. But you’re right… I probably won’t be able to imagine life (much less Christmas) without her. That doesn’t make me any less terrified though 🙂

    Reply

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