Why Little Boys Need Parents…

Thanks Dad for fueling my nightmares from now until this baby turns 18… I can’t wait to see if this baby is a boy or girl later this month!

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR’s do not eject ‘PB & J’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

22.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Vanessa
    Dec 05, 2008 @ 18:31:19

    ROFL!! I can personally vouch for #3, but I have been blessed in that I haven’t had to deal with any of the others on this list! My husband, on the other hand, might have a few boy-horror stories of his own from his childhood. 😉

    Reply

  2. Claire
    Dec 05, 2008 @ 21:00:14

    Haha!! My hubby is ready to try for baby number two. This is a good reminder that I’m not in a hurry to try for a BOY! LOL!!

    Reply

  3. Allison
    Dec 11, 2008 @ 13:42:40

    Yesterday my son sprouted horns, his split hooves busted through his shoes, and he danced through fire, waving his pitchfork while spitting on me and yelling NO and then headbutted me while I tried to change his diaper. One hour ago he would not let me leave his classroom before giving me a kiss on the lips and a long hug. And I melted. Sigh. Parenthood 🙂

    Reply

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